Medicest of the century
Fuck I’m walking downtown and I pass a group of guys staring at me and I think “great catcall time” but then one guy goes “you look like you could kill a man a million different ways with just your bare hands”. This. This is an acceptable comment to give a girl on the street.
Rendered it three times, never rendered the whole image. Had to edit it together with a lower quality one. Damn.
Also scared myself after editing because I went to upload it and the file was missing. Don’t know where it saved, but I got it in to the right folder eventually.
SPREAD THE MOTHER FUCKING WORD! TARZAN IS NOW ON NETFLIX!!!
*video game boss the size of a skyscraper*
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THIS THING"
*ten minutes later*
"that…was surprisingly easy."
*video game boss that is just normal dude with sword*
"ahhh this’ll probably be easy"
*ten hours later*
"fuck. shit. god. I can’t do this anymore. you’ve bested me. I will no longer play a game again. I have been disgraced."
Gothitelle’s pokedex entry is so sad i want to hug the poor little pokemon ;__;
Queen Hatshepsut of Ancient Egypt. She has a lovely smile for someone who’s been dead for thousands of years.
she wasn’t a queen. she was a pharaoh and wanted to be referred to as such. she even had her statues modeled after the male pharaoh’s statues to state her dominance and authority. she was actually one of the most successful pharaohs in all of ancient egyptian history and she reigned longer than any other woman in power in egypt.
No wonder she’s smiling. She’s a pharaoh. Not a queen.
Let me tell y’all about this chick Hatshepsut. She’s fucking awesome, you know why? Her father Thutmose I was a crazy motherfucker. when Thutmose became pharaoh, Nubia rebelled against Egyptian rule. what did this crazy motherfucker do? He traveled up the NIle and fought in the battle, personally killing the Nubian king. why is that crazy you say? Well after the fucking won, he mounted the Nubian kings body TO THE FUCKING PROW OF THE SHIP BEFORE HE SAILED BACK TO HIS PALACE. whoa, whoa, that’s one crazy mother fucker you might say. I wonder how much crazy he passed on to Hatshepsut, you might ask. WELL LET ME TELL YOU. This lady, though a peaceful one, was crazy in love with architecture. She had HUNDREDS of construction projects through the upper AND lower Egypt (who the fuck has time for that many? This lady right here.) So much fucking statuary was made that basically ALL MAJOR MUSEUMS IN THE WORLD HAS HATSHEPSUTS STATUARY IN THEIR COLLECTIONS. (Holy shit right?) We’re just getting fucking started. Following the traditions of the other pharaohs, she had a shit load of monuments built for herself at the Temple of Karnek, along with restoring the original Precint of Mut, the ancient great goddess of Egypt, at karnek, AND BUILT TWIN OBELISKS AT THE ENTRANCE THAT WERE THE TALLEST FUCKING OBELISKS IN THE WORLD AT THE TIME. HOW THE FUCK DO EVEN DO THAT (You need a ladder, buddy?)
But her fucking masterpiece (as most pharaohs were) was her damned mortuary temple. She fucking built that bitch near the entrance of the Valley of the Kings. What’s cool about this fucking building is that she fucking layered and terraced that bitch. And what good is a place of burial without….THAT’S RIGHT. FUCKING COLUMNS. COLUMNS LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. YOU CAN’T EVEN HOLD ALL THESE FUCKING COLUMNS.
SO ALONG WITH THIS BEING A FEMALE PHARAOH, SHE WAS PHARAOH FOR 22 FUCKING YEARS. HOLY SHIT. SHE LIVED TILL SHE WAS IN HER FIFTIES. THAT’S RIGHT KIDDOS. THIS BADASS WOMAN LIVED TO HER FIFTIES IN THAT TIME PERIOD. THAT’S JUST FUCKING UNHEARD OF. IF THIS IS ACTUALLY HER MUMMY, THEN THIS BADASS GRANNY PROBABLY DIED OF DIABETES, AND BONE CANCER THAT SPREAD THROUGHOUT HER BODY. TRY EXPLAINING THAT TO AN ANCIENT DOCTOR. (i wish you luck!)
I HOPE YOU FUCKING LEARNED SOMETHING BECAUSE SHE IS A FUCKING AWESOME BADASS OF ALL BAD ASSES.
Some more fun facts about my history wife
- One of the main functions of a pharaoh was to GET STUFF from other countries. food, luxyry goods, basically if someone else had it, you wanted it. most pharaohs took stuff by force thu battle and conquest and junk but this fine lady was all like. u know what? lets try talking to people maybe. one of her most well known endeavours was her trade expedition to Punt (look that baby up there are some mad surviving murals) and she got so much stuff, im telling u.
- lets just reiterate- one of Egypts most successful Pharaohs.
- u refer to her as a queen again ur dead 2 me
- because in ancient egypt queens were important (and had a lot of political power) but they weren’t the divine absolute ruler. Hatshepsut WAS the divine absolute ruler.
- srsly theres this big mural scene in her mortuary temple showing her mum getting impregnated by Amun-Re. he like, touches her mum on the face then BAM. baby king. hilarious.
- (p.s. if u like queens look up the ladies at the beginning the 18th dynasty like Queen Tye and Ahmose-Nefetari those two rocked)
- a big chunk of her reign was a co-regency with Thutmose III her nephew/stepson/husband (this was normal in the royal fam lmao). a co-regency is where they basically are both pharaoh at the same time and have equal power.
- a lot of historians want to tell you that she was an evil usurping stepmother that stole Thut III’s throne but most historians are SEXIST GARBAGE especially when they were born in like 1850. especially if your name is Alan Gardiner. fuk u Gardiner.
- she actually probably was protecting him from external forces who wanted to jack egypt up because he came to the throne when he was like 8
- IN FACT a v new piece of text from her recently unearthed ‘red chapel’ explicitly states that she took the throne to protect Egypt
- their co-regency was great because it meant that he could grow up balanced and then control the army while she controlled the political and architectural stuff. he went of conquering and making Egypt great from the outside, she made Egypt great from the inside
- a lof of historians think Thut III hated her but, again, sexist garbage, i mean, kid controlled the army, he SO could have killed her and taken the throne solo but he didn’t so???? what does that say????? HUH GARDINER??
- there are a lot of signs that Hatty was grooming her daughter Neferure to be the next Pharaoh after her (LADY PHARAOH DYNASTY!!!) but unfortunately the kid died rly young :(
- Hatshepsut was the best
- im in love with her
There is seriously not enough love for this fucking magnificent woman of history. LOVE Hatshepsut.
She is MY HERO
i would like to take a moment to thank nani pelekai for being one of the first disney women to ever look like an actual human being